I was just poking my finger into the giant bag of humbugs I keep in the house at this time of year, when the lovely Catherine Cavendish went and awarded me this awfully bright, shiny, sunny and horribly fairyish award.
I mean, thanks and all that, Cat, very nice of you, but can you see THAT hanging on my wall? No? Didn’t think so. I shall have to do something with it.
Anyway, I don’t even get paid for having that on my site, I have to tell you seven facts that you don’t already know about me. As I’ve done this kind of thing before this will not be easy. Now, let’s see…
- I wanted to be an airline pilot: When I said this at a careers meeting at school the teacher laughed so much he had to sit down. When he recovered he gave me some leaflets on being a teacher, doctor, dentist, nurse… I didn’t become a pilot – nor any of those suggestions either.
- I did, however, have flying lessons. On my very first flight the wind blew a gale just after take off and we had to hurry back to terra firma. I have never forgotten the way that light plane was tossed about by nature.
- I was once run over by a wheelbarrow full of tools. It chased me down a pontoon and went right over the top of me. I almost went into the Solent.
- A girlfriend once told me she might be pregnant – at the top of the Statue of Liberty. I didn’t throw her or myself off, which is just as well as she wasn’t.
- I had my tonsils removed when I was thirty-eight years old. I’m glad I did because I was ill one week out of four, but it hurt like watching X Factor.
- I am convinced that the more drinkable the wine, the thicker the bottle.
- I have successfully completed my training to be a Humanist Funeral Celebrant and am looking forward to getting the formalities out of the way so I can begin using my new skills.
And now I have to nominate four people for this award:
Hmmm, I think I’ve figured out how to improve this…
The first issue of new horror publication MASSACRE MAGAZINE is out, and I’m not only in it but IN it.
Open the pages of this first issue of Massacre Magazine and release a plague of darkness. Nearly thirty thousand carefully crafted words from some of today’s most promising horror writers. Bestselling author Rupert Smith talks about his first horror novel, GRIM, and the importance of community in tales of the mysterious and macabre. Matt Harrah asks Burning Questions in his flash fiction winner, and Jake Sheridan reveals what glides down mountains full of sin in his distinctive, The Voice. Marc E Fitch rolls up his sleeves for a bit of Savage Work. Talking of savage work, we have two very different twists on The Ripper theme in Paul Holbrook’s short story, Chain Me Not in Heaven, and a poem from Anthony Crowley. Jake Swan provides a warning to the desperate in There Are Worse Things Than Loneliness. Steve Emmett – that’s me 😉 – takes us to the German countryside in Head of the House, a simmering and atmospheric tale of sweet revenge. Sailing holidays will never be the same once you’ve visited Julia Kavan’s Safe Harbour, where reality and nightmare lap at the shore. Winter wouldn’t be complete without a Christmas story, but in Demon Darkling author Dana Wright provides more red than Santa’s suit. Our non-fiction contribution comes from Tracy Kuhn who takes exception to the theory that Horror is for Boys.
Massacre Publishing is something Julia Kavan and I came up with a little while ago, and if you’d like to know more about that pop over to Catherine Cavendish‘s blog where we are spilling a few fava beans and washing them down with something rather nice. Julia is our Catcher of Souls and I’m the Curator of Concepts. We also have a Keeper of the Keys who stays out of the limelight. We run flash fiction competitions and are always looking for adult horror that pushes the boundaries. You can find all the information on the website and sign up for the free newsletter: http://massacrepublishing.com/
Massacre Magazine is available for Kindle now from Amazon and will soon be in a print version and available from other retailers. Follow the website and get the newsletter to keep up to date.
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We really hope you enjoy Massacre Magazine – there are some great writers in it.